dear diary….

wow! It’s been a while. Since the beginning of this blog I’ve been unsure about the visuals. I knew I wanted more for it, something more specific and more stylized, but couldn’t really do that with the website builder I was previously using. So… I switched everything over to WordPress and pretty much built this new carouselthirteen site from scratch. it was extremely confusing at first, but then I learned and was totally obsessed with adding more and more to it. Gracie and Sophie helped too, and now we have a very “old internet” inspired blog site for all of our thoughts and passions and writing and whatever else comes of it.

I got a bit frustrated a few weeks ago with the state of social media. I’ve been feeling that for a while, both as a user and as a “creator”. I put a lot of pressure on myself with posting my artwork online, and having a pretty significant following to keep up with, but with the state of the algorithm currently, and with everything moving so fast all the time, ive been struggling. I was trying to keep up with it, and doing pretty well with that for about a month, posting consistently and really planning ahead to have content ready to post. But, that didn’t change my engagement, and it certainly didn’t make me like instagram any more than I have been. ive felt very discouraged by it and have noticed that my level of inspiration and creative energy is too heavily impacted by my level of “success” on social media. I’ve had this thought brewing for some time; what does any of this all mean outside of instagram? what does art mean to me? what would my creative process look like if I weren’t pressuring myself to churn out work and stay on top of the algorithm? is my time spent scrolling actually fun to me in any way or just a way to drown out the thoughts in my brain?

so with that said… I’m challenging myself to take a step back from social media. I don’t want to post stuff online if I don’t care about it. I don’t want to be forcing myself to make work if im not feeling it. I still work a creative job, so Im constantly painting anyway. and writing on a blog is still a creative outlet for me. insta hasn’t been fun in ages, and id rather use tumblr for a more controlled and enjoyable scroll time and YouTube for entertainment rather than a constant stream of reels. im making this sound like such a huge deal… but I guess I build it up in my head to be this big huge important thing. it kinda is when you’re teetering the edge of instagram artist/content creator lifestyle. I just think reels tend to be really insincere and forced for a lot of artists, and that’s unfortunately what the algorithm expects from anyone seeking out exposure online now. anyway, enough about all this. boring.

ill be using this blog more I hope, so please feel free to check in and play around. we are hoping to add more to it as we go. everything is transferred from our old site aside from the comments users left. id also eventually love to get some guest writer submissions on here too. feel free to email us if youre interested! I’m considering this website a combo of a myspace page with rookie magazine. I hope to be a more professional digital (or even print) magazine eventually once we get our footing about everything more with this revamp. and as I detox myself from instagram. I’m also on Tumblr – I have a personal blog linked to my diary front-page somewhere (where you are likely viewing this post) @artkidmaddie and an art blog @maddieduda. check it outtttt. also wanna get on Flickr cuz it rocks. and myspace is apparently coming back. that also rocks.

signing off xoxoxoxoxo

I found a vintage Betsey Johnson skirt at the vintage store yesterday (it’s marked as 90s/2000s), and I can’t stop looking at it. I had to alter it slightly to fit but it had a very easy side seam to work off of!

anyway, how’s it going? the relief come spring is palpable. finally I am not shivering cold every time I step outside! but I cannot speak too soon for I live in the midwest. every day is a mystery.

Hi world! It’s Maddie. It feels like the world (this website) is due for a life update. First, it’s officially been one whole month since I brought my cat Grischa home! We’re sitting in my bed together right now. He’s gotten more and more cuddly since he came home which has been a joy for me. All I could ever have asked for in a cat is for it to be cuddly. We’ll be adventuring home to my parents’ house this weekend for a visit, and hopefully for him to meet our dog Polly. I’m eager to see how this goes.

I also see a light at the end of the tunnel for a huge project I’ve been working on – I haven’t wanted to post about it at all because I think the grand reveal of it once it’s completed will be far more exciting for everyone. But it’s a dream project, as I’ve stated before, and I think it may be my magnum opus. Anyway, it’s nearly done, hopefully within the next couple weeks, and then I can show you all on my lovely little Instagram page.

I just saw an Instagram reel about myspace that sparked me to write this. I hope this website provides some sort of blog-like warmth and comfort. There must be some value to nostalgia for defunct internet platforms. We’re missing something huge today and I think that’s part of it. And now I stare longingly at my iPod and sigh….

I just uploaded two new playlists. One is twee themed, and the other is Mary-Kate and Ashley themed. Some sort of indie sleaze adjacent thing. This week I made a new personal playlist for myself which was long overdue. I tend to mix every genre together into my general playlists because I have a hard time sticking to one genre throughout the day, especially mid-project. So they’re kinda less cohesive to share on this site. But, I will share which songs I’ve been especially obsessed with.

“Sweet#hart” – Closure in Moscow. I don’t know WHERE I found this song. It was in my liked songs on Spotify and I don’t remember liking it for the life of me. Same goes for “Love Is A Number” by White Rose Movement. But both tracks are fantastic and I basically flip flop between those two and “So Far So Fake” by Pierce The Veil all day. Also loving “Disparate Youth” by Santigold and “Millions”, “Julius”, and “Medicine” by STRFKR. amazing band.

This year has already been so unreal, and such a whirlwind, and I feel so lucky to be able to say that in a positive sense. It feels like bucket list dreams are already being crossed off my list. I did read that cancers are supposed to be very lucky this year. I’ve been finding a lot of pennies on the ground lately.

I hope if you’re reading this, you find a new song you love, or a new dream to start working towards, or that you eat a yummy dessert or something soon. The snow is thawing and I am very ready for spring.

signing off, maddie XOXOXOXOXOXO

dear diary,

i’ve gone back and forth and back and forth trying to figure out what to write about on here as i’m aiming to relaunch the site. I have had a hard time making this not feel like a big scary project and reminding myself that I don’t have to have every detail of a website figured out before letting it exist. this is kind of a good metaphor for what post-grad life has been like for me so far: there is no rush, and not everything has to be figured out right now. I’m just the type of girl that likes to have everything as organized and planned and figured out as possible, so going into my twenties, where I shouldn’t know everything yet, with that mindset, causes me stress. but hey, these are life lessons. and the blog is back. I think good things are on the horizon with this, including some fresh playlists, so stay tuned for that. bye for now.

maddie

hello diary. long time no see. this site has gotten away from me and I feel like I have to do something about it. I think I felt overwhelmed by it when we had a video go viral on instagram and all the wrong people found it. we were getting spammy emails and it felt stressful. the point of this was to be blog-like, like old music blogs from like 2002. that’s what im channeling here. and I have big dreams and so many ideas about things I could pursue with this sort of collaborative internet thing but I think it needs to proceed naturally so it doesn’t feel too stressful for me. I stress easily if that wasn’t obvious.

I have more blogpost/article pieces I’d like to write, and hopefully that’ll get me back in the swing of things. oh, i’m 22 now by the way. I swear I feel older now. life starts coming at you out of nowhere. im prioritizing having fun, exploring the world, finding new bars to go to with friends, learning to like dirty martinis because I love olives, painting, and lowering my stress. and working. but I love my job. updates soon, perhaps. I doubt anyone will read this but it’s more for myself to refer back to. HUGS and KISSES. xoxoxoxoxoxo

I’ve been very bad at updating this site. I apologize. life update – I graduated college!!! woohooooo! that’s why i’ve been bad at operating this site. to be honest, sometimes instagram really stresses me out. and I don’t know how to properly direct traffic to here, or if what the site looks like now is what I actually want it to be, so I think in the near future, now that I am free from school, I will regroup and redesign the site again to get it how I want it.

i’ve been doing this thing today called “no phone day” where I don’t let myself use my phone. sometimes I have these moments where i’m ready to delete everything and get rid of my phone, usually after a few doomscrolling days over a weekend because I always drain myself of energy during the week and then do nothing over the weekend. not always. but too often. so today i’ve used my laptop instead, pretending my iMessage on my laptop is like AIM so I can still text my friends but still be off my phone. and I am allowed to use my phone for music or for posting on instagram, but no scrolling. the rules seem kinda dumb because I’m still having screen time, but being on my laptop instead of my phone feels more productive and better. and i’ve in general had a really productive day. like so productive I cleaned the inside of the refrigerator.

anyway, i’ve been going through some big thoughts about the future and adulting and stuff now that im a college grad. so, here is an excerpt from something I wrote in my real, actual journal that I think sums up how I feel right now.

“Doing more, but also less, and new and old and some big girl scary things but also a much needed change. wearing the same clothes but styled differently, and finally figuring out how to style my hair and wear my makeup. and longing for a more minimal lifestyle but still collecting things. just having less of everything that doesn’t matter and collecting things that mean the most to me.

And cooking new things and hopefully going back to ballet. we’ll see about that.”

signing off.

wooweee! it’s may! woot! I had my very last class today. ever! it feels crazy to be done, but also I can’t quite wrap my head around it because I still have school things that have to get finished up. i’m working on some very last minute things in my studio before I have to be fully moved out of there, because I’m working on something and don’t really have room at home for it. I really hope I can find a studio space at some point soonish. goal of mine for the near future. Michigan weather has been good. some days a little chilly, like today, and some days it gets up to 80ish. that’s what spring is like here. total whiplash. i’ve been pretty stressed out lately. I think i’m just overwhelmed by how many things there are coming up in my life all at once, but every day that passes the list gets a little smaller. in about two weeks i’ll be free as a bird from everything college and i’ll feel a little better (I hope). not much to share other than that. signing off, love maddie.

long time no chat. I don’t really have much to say, besides that i’ve been working hard and have been doing too much outside of the blog to have time for the blog. but I promise we have fun stuff coming! thanks for reading.

hello diary.

today I worked at my studio for about 6 hours. I made some collage pieces out of alllllll my scrap fabric! this is a fun thing I do when I want to empty out a bin of all the good scraps of pretty fabrics i’ve used for other projects so I can put them to good use even if they’re really small pieces. I made 4 collages! and they’re super cute! gonna take some pics of them on monday and list them for sale on my personal website.

if you’re familiar with the fabric crowns that are popular on Pinterest, i happen to be the OG creator! I made one last batch of those recently and they dropped on my website this afternoon. half of them have sold so far. i’ve been moving a lot of my supplies home from my studio, and i’ve done so good about donating and using up supplies that it’s been a breeze so far! everything has a spot and I don’t have any clutter yet. phew! it’s gonna be hard for me to paint at home because I don’t have very good lighting in my apartment. but I do already have some ideas of stuff I wanna make soonish once my studio is cleared out. my goal is to be all done in there by the end of next week. it’s all so strange! I’m about to graduate!! what?!?!? crazy.

we’re going to Ikea tomorrow. gonna get a clothing rack for my room because I have no room in my closet. I sold some stuff on depop too so that’s good. i’m clearly in a spring cleaning needing to purge stuff state atm. which is good.

bye bye. <3

hello diary. it’s been a while! I’ve been working very hard today on all sorts of things, such as homework, fixing up this site, and getting some personal website/art stuff done. if you’re not here from my art account, it’s @madeleyess on instagram. hi!!!!!

I also did two loads of laundry today and had a yummy lunch of some leftover lettuce wraps which contained mushrooms, onion, broccoli, roasted potato and a very yummy sauce (which was a hodgepodge of other sauces mixed together), and an orange on the side. soooo yummy and refreshing. and we’re getting tacos for dinner!! yay!!

here’s a secret (since this is my diary, after all) – Allison and I are making a movie this summer which we are lovingly calling the “Boyband movie” for now because we don’t have an official title yet. if you happen to know of any Detroit or Ann Arbor based indie boy bands or musicians, send them our way. we’re working on casting some boys and distributed some posters around town the other day which was really fun and so far pretty successful! will keep you updated. perhaps.

are any of you familiar with Ryan ross’s old livejournal.com account? i’m thinking about that today. also, I had a dream last night that I was friends with lady gaga and I spent most of the dream driving in a car with her (she was driving) telling her how beautiful and talented she is. I feel like I should make a place specially for cataloguing my dreams on this site… perhaps i’ll give that some thought. gonna play guitar hero now.

love, maddie